Posts Tagged parenting

To Pooped to Parent


“Not surprisingly, perhaps, the most likely candidates for early exhaustion are the parents who are radically committed to their children.” (Pg. 128)

So if you are worn out from your children, this could be evidence that you sincerely care about them. You are totally committed to them. However, it would be unhealthy to throw out all other relationships and activities because of your children.

He gives a funny example about parents that are so paranoid about leaving their children, their imagination gets a little carried away while they are enjoying some free time from the children. “Imagine how they would feel if the announcer said over the public address system, May I have your attention?  Would Mr. and Mrs. James Johnson come to a house telephone, please? Your baby-sitter needs to know where the fire extinguisher is.” (Pg. 128).

John 6

1After these things Jesus went away to the other side of )the Sea of Galilee (or Tiberias).

2A large crowd followed Him, because they saw the signs which He was performing on those who were sick.

3Then Jesus went up on the mountain, and there He sat down with His disciples.

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Compliant children and their behavior

“God did not intend for adults and their parents to have the same relationship as they did when the kids were small”. (Pg. 96) Dr. Dobson

I think that is an interesting statement. It suggests there are parents who continue to treat their child at a certain maturity level though the child should be well past and beyond that stage. He is suggesting this is not the best thing for the compliant child. Maybe because they tend to rely on the adults behavior moreso than a strong-willed child.

“Growth and maturity demand that children wiggle free from their parents clutches and establish independent lives of their own”. (Pg. 96)

He makes a couple of other points about the compliant child, that its challenging for the compliant child to navigate through the daily life style of the strong-willed child. And there is a tendency for the compliant child to internalize their anger.

The best thing we can do for them is provide a firm and certain faith. Teach them their are consequences for their actions.

Let both grow together until the harvest. At 1 harvest time I will tell the reapers, “First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned, but then 2 gather 3 the wheat into my barn.” Matthew 13:30

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Responsibilites for you, Faith for your child

“Parents are accountable before God to meet their responsibilities to their children, He  is vitally concerned about their welfare. Jesus said that anyone who would hurt the faith of a little child would be better off sinking in the sea with a millstone attached to his neck”. (Pg. 81)

Loving your children is an obvious duty for a parent. But disciplining your child is also part of the obligation we have as parents. When we think about hurting a child, we sometimes think in terms of physical or verbal abuse which can and does sadly happen. But what about robbing them of the benefits of a strong faith. Aother facet of parenting is discipline. Failure to teach your child self-control can damage their faith. Now obviously the child must be willing to learn and obey. But if we want our kids to have strong faith, then discipline will be a part of their learning process.

Matthew 18:6

“But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, 1 it would be better for him to have a huge millstone 2 hung around his neck and to be drowned in the open sea.

Sorry about the gap between posts. I have been traveling as of late.

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Parents who hurt

Dr. Dobson shares a story about a mother who had 3 daughters and did her best to love them and set a Christian example in their life. She invested hours in each one of them hoping to show them how much value they had. She wisely gave them space when they needed it to grow as young ladies. The result, two daughters that could not have turned out better and one that caused astonishing grief and pain. At 18 she ran off with a 28 year old ex convict who had been married 3 times before.

She describes the pain and heartache she felt during this time as almost unbearable. “I didn’t know that anyone could endure that much pain and still live”. (Pg. 72) She describes the sting she felt when innocent folks would ask how the girls are doing.

Ps. 39:7
“And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.

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More than 30% said I’m a failure as a parent

This is what Dr. Dobson found in his study based on responses from fathers and mothers, 30% said, “I am a failure as parent!” and “I simply can’t cope with my kids.” (Pg. 52)

So you are not alone out there. Its not just your family that feels like they are being put through the fire. And recognizing the child’s bent towards strong-willed vs compliant traits helps you to see how it contributes greatly to the issues you are having.

Take a look at his data, “…we find that 95 percent of parents raising very compliant children felt good about the job they were doing, compared with 11 percent of the parents of strong-willed children”. (Pg. 52)

Recognize the seasons you are in with your child. Identify their strengths and weaknesses. Consider the influence of hormones if they are of age and female. Teach them right from wrong.  Pray that God will help you through the season. Pray a blessing on your children. Forgive them and start over again.
1 Kings 8:

14 The king (Solomon) then turned to face the congregation and blessed them:

35-36 When the skies shrivel up and there is no rain because your people have sinned against you, but then they pray at this place, acknowledging your rule and quitting their sins because you have scourged them,
Listen from your home in heaven, forgive the sins of your servants, your people Israel.

Then start over with them: Train them to live right and well; send rain on the land you gave your people as an inheritance.

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Crisis of confidence in raising children

Dr. Dobson explains on Pg. 15 how mothers are blamed for everything that goes wrong with their children, from toilet training to education. He reminds us that books have been on written telling us how we are not doing it the right way.  Its no wonder so many parents feel guilty no matter how much love and commitment they put into it.

I think he is pointing out the concept, that its not healthy to be parenting from a standpoint of guilt or self-doubt. And he goes on to say something I consider a very important reminder, “Throughout the scriptures, it is quite clear that the raising of children was viewed as a wonderful blessing from God a welcome, joyful experience.” Dr. Dobson (Pg. 16). And I believe in general this is the case. But lets not forget there are folks who are dealing with grueling circumstances beyond what it considered the norm. But If the scriptures tell us that children are a “blessing” there must be a specific way to raise those children.

So if you are struggling with a child, remember, it happens, I guess you already knew that. Sometimes we may be approaching it from a standpoint of guilt or fear. So…….its time to renew your thinking in regard to your children.

First start with compassion

Psalms 103:13
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on his faithful followers.

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Have we become “tenative” parents?

How has the environment in which we raise our children, changed in relation to the environment in which our parents and their parents raised children?  Teenage rebellion, sex, alcohol, drugs, haven’t these temptations been around for ages.

One of my first jobs was selling IBM typewriters. Who would have thought typewriters would become obsolete. I’m sure there are still a few out there. But I remember being carted off to Detroit for IBM sales training school. I believe it lasted three days. They brought in their top sales people and trainers to instruct us on how to prospect, how to handle an objection from a prospect and how to close a sale. Lots of time and money directed into selling their product and motivating their sales force. Every day was intense education about how to sell and understand the benefits of the product. One simple concept which stuck out for me, is the “sales funnel”. Its quite straightforward, the more possibilities you have in your funnel, the more sales you will realize. If your funnel is overflowing with prospects, your chances of making a sale increases. I remember they used a projection screen to put this huge graphic on the wall, of a stick looking man with a large funnel mounted on top of his head. If you operate for 30 days with an almost empty funnel, guess what? You will not have many sales based on the percentages. The concept is true. 

Ask a typical Grand Parent, whether or not they believe our children’s funnel is full and overflowing with temptations such as teenage rebellion, sex, alchohol, drugs, etc. as compared to what they had to contend with while growing up.  Dr. Dobson asked his father how he dealt with the pressures associated with being a parent, listen to his answer (Pg. 13), “I never really gave that a thought.” Then Dr. Dobson goes onto explain that it wasn’t that his father was short on caring about his children, but the enormous amount of pressure our children experience today was not at hand back then. They did not walk around with their funnel full of peccadillo’s most of the time.

Sure, kids and adults made mistakes back then too. But in general the quantity and quality of available enticements was quite different. Here is a recent headline made in reaction to a so-called comedian’s bit:

Women's shelter cuts Sandra Bernhard after Palin gang-rape line...

So its no wonder we have so many “tentative” parents walking around.

I know it is politically incorrect to suggest that values have changed over a course of time, but they have. As parents, we can recognize this reality.

Heb. 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever!

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